Adjusting My Sails for 2019
"When you can't change the direction of the wind — adjust your sails." –H. Jackson Brown Jr.
2018 was a year filled with discovery and transitions for me. Some of them were relatively minor, such as moving from long, red-toned hair to short, cool brunette hues.
Others were more significant, such as realizing I’m not a Slytherin but a Hufflepuff—thanks, Elie Thawn, for essentially giving me a compelling peer-reviewed, referenced PowerPoint presentation on why this is the case—and there were life-changing transitions, like acclimating myself to a new career in a new city. Before, I was in the entertainment industry in Los Angeles. Now I work at a national publishing company in New York!
But the biggest change (and the most difficult for me to come to terms with) was the fact that deep down, I no longer considered myself an “actress.”
Anyone who knows me is aware that performance has been a huge part of my identity. I spent my entire education involved with film, television, theater, music, and even a little dance. After graduating from college, I worked on a few projects and took several classes/workshops. However, I luckily encountered other great career opportunities, so I moved acting to the back burner while I focused on those.
I still love to act and I always will, but my life has officially veered off the course that I had mapped out as a child. Realizing that was like an angry horse kick in the face. It felt like I gave up on my lifelong dream. What am I, who am I, if not an actress? I had to take a step back, let go of my vice-like grip on the role I had given myself, and reevaluate.
After a few glasses of wine (okay, fine, a bottle) and some soul-searching, I finally found the answer:
I am a Content Creator.
It’s not so much a complete change, but a shift in perspective. Acting is only one facet of who I am and what I do. For me, being an “actress” was limiting my creative potential. I would approach life as if I were a full-time actress, but that wasn’t getting me anywhere since it wasn’t true. I have a full time job that I enjoy as well as other personal and creative interests I want to explore. Plus, in case you weren’t aware, Manhattan is an expensive city, and acting is an expensive and time-consuming career.
As a content creator, I can shift my focus from “get the audition and be an actress” to “make fun things and flex my creative muscles.” It also allows me to work around my full-time job, so I’ll be able to pay my rent and buy groceries.
Coming to this realization allowed me to release a tension that I wasn’t aware I held. This felt right to me, like my internal GPS had finally stopped yelling “recalculating” at me and I am going in the right direction again.
Making this transition from actress to content creator is only Step One of my journey. Going back to my nerdy 90s kid roots, I am like a second evolution pokemon—let’s say I evolved from Nidoran to Nidorina —working towards becoming the Nidoqueen I’m meant to be. (We have Elie to thank for which OG Pokémon I am, too. There might be a post about this in the future. With screenshots.)
Now, I endeavor to grow and develop my creativity while living a full and stable life. That is why I decided to start this blog, to chronicle my journey and hopefully inspire other creative people to empower themselves.
Here’s to 2019 being filled with creative, career, financial, and personal success. We can have it all. Salute!